The Burden of Revelation
by BlessedbyHim
Summary: A M/M Fiction set after the Christmas Special
1. Chapter 1

_A/N - This story is set after the season two finale (the Christmas special). It is going to be mostly a Mary/Matthew fiction, mostly brought from Matthews perspective, though not entirely. I hope you enjoy and truly look forward to your feedback. I have been away from the fan fiction world for awhile now and am excited to dive back in. Thank you all for reading!_

**The Burden of Revelation**

Darkness had settled. The silence was deafening. Shivers invaded, and pain overwhelmed.

* * *

><p>Matthew Crawley felt as though he would never be able to stop smiling. As he made his way up to the Abbey, he began to realize that everyone was likely to see right through him. He had wanted this announcement to be a surprise. Rather, they had wanted it to be a surprise.<p>

The family had all gathered for dinner that evening. It had only taken a few glances between them, when understanding dawned on many in the room. Mary's face remained demure as always, but they could see the sparkle in her eyes whenever she looked towards Matthew. Matthew's easy disposition was heightened by the extension of his smile. Naturally, the family did not say anything, awaiting their moment of revelation, but still, they knew something had happened.

* * *

><p>Post dinner drinks in hand, mulled conversation permeated the room. One voice, however, rang out in interruption.<p>

"I believe Cousin Matthew has something he needs to say," the Dowager Countess announced. The room went quiet as all gazes shifted to Matthew, sporting a look of frozen surprise on his face. Mary gave him a quick glance as she took another sip of her drink. He had expected to see a mirrored look of shock; instead, he saw a gleam of teasing in her eye. Clearly she was enjoying this. It almost competed with the smug smile on Violet's face.

Matthew rose from his seat and moved towards where Mary was sitting.

"It appears that I do have an announcement to make." He took in a deep breath, knowing that while his life had changed irrevocably when she had given her answer, this was the moment that made their engagement a reality.

"There has been a great deal of change for this family of late. I do not know if I've appropriately expressed my gratitude for how you have integrated me into your family. I could have never envisioned my life being as it is today when I had first left Manchester." The look of pride on the Earl's face warmed Matthew as he carried on.

"The last eight years have been full of challenges for this family, with the last year having brought more tragedy and change. So soon after the war, I have taken the last few months to re-evaluate my life. With Sybil having moved away, and Mary having plans to go to America..." At this, he saw the faces fall.

Cora and Violet shared a quick glance of renewed disappointment. Isobel glared at him with the same fervor she had held for weeks while pushing him to fight for Mary. While Edith looked on with interest, he realized this was not a charade he could continue when he saw his cousin, his mentor, and now his future father in law look at him with uncertainty and the slightest glimpse of fear, clearly concerned that his heir, the man he had begun to regard already as a son, might leave Downton.

Last, he looked at Mary. He suddenly realized that he had wasted so much time over the years since they had met. While he would never admit it to his mother, he should have started fighting for her long ago, should have been honest with Lavinia earlier on in their relationship, and should have fought harder to pursue her after her initial rejection all those years ago before the war. Contrarily, those years had helped them grow into the people they were today - how much they had changed.

"At any rate, I believe I have finally determined where my priorities lie. Despite much encouragement to do this properly..." At this, he grinned at Mary. "but I believe Cousin Violet has forced my hand. So I need to apologize to you, Robert, for not doing this properly and first asking you if you allow me the honor of your daughters hand in marriage." A momentary silence pervaded the room. Matthew reached for Mary's hand, as she rose from her seat to stand at his side.

Embraces abounded. The rest of the evening extended in celebration, an elation that could not be diminished by Violet and Isobel's competition as to whom should get the credit for the match, or Edith's casual glances of jealousy when she thought no one would notice. After eight long years, the world seemed to have righted itself.

* * *

><p>Wedding preparations began almost immediately. Cora was pushing Mary for early spring, knowing the two had waited long enough for their impending nuptials. Secretly, after two failed engagements and the entire Pamuk affair, she knew she could not breathe until Mary and Matthew were announced husband and wife. Robert had made the calls to get the documents in order for the marriage, as well as announce his daughters engagement.<p>

Isobel and Violet did not hesitate to make their presence and input known on a daily basis, leaving Mary with little to do but stand back and allow each detail of her wedding be controlled by all except the bride. She had noticed how unnaturally quiet Edith had become since the announcement of her and Matthew's engagement. There was a time when she would have used this moment to bait her sister, but rather she let Edith deal with her feelings in peace. Anna remained at her side, though at more of a distance and distractedness than she had ever exhibited in all her years of service to Mary. Although her husband had been spared his life, Mary knew they still had a long journey ahead. Her impending wedding was not a priority for her, and Mary understood that.

Mary made her way into the hall, attempting to escape the argument that had erupted over whether they should be married at Downton, or at the local church. She was becoming tired of the constant battles between her mother, grandmother and future mother-in-law over the tedious details. In search of an escape for a precious moment of solitude, she left them to battle it out.

"What are they arguing over now?" Matthew's voice echoed as he made his way through the front door towards his fiancée. He leaned and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, relishing in the fact that he could now demonstrate his affection that freely. She returned his greeting with a welcoming smile.

"Now it is a question of where we should wed. I am not certain they have gotten over the last battle over the flowers. If this continues, I do not know if our wedding will be able to take place this decade, let alone in a few months time." Matthew sighed.

"I'm sorry it has to be like this. This is our day, your wedding. You should be the one making the decisions..." he started. Mary grabbed his hand to stop him.

"It's alright." Mary said, with a reassuring smile. "They are excited, even though at times it is hard to tell. I am sure the wedding will be lovely, but what I look forward to the most is the marriage, Matthew. We have the rest of our lives..." She was interrupted as her father walked out into the hall from the library, his faithful dog at his side. His face looked worn and tired.

"Mary. And Matthew. I'm glad you are here. I need to speak with you both." The couple looked at each other with apprehension before following the Earl into his study.

"I hate to infringe on your happiness. In hindsight we may have foreseen this coming had we done this with more tact..." he left off, looking out the window at the clouds brewing overhead.

"I'm sorry," Matthew stated. "I am not sure I follow." The Earl of Grantham looked at the eager couple and sighed. He moved towards his desk and grabbed the papers. Without words, he handed them over to Matthew, Mary quick to read the headline over his shoulder.

Her story had now become public. And the storm brewing outside was only the beginning.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N - Thank you so much for your reviews and for alerting myself as an author and my story. I apologize for the formatting of my first chapter - for some reason, it didn't put the breaks into the story which may have made it a bit more difficult to read. I hope to set it right shortly. In the meantime, please enjoy this chapter!_

**Chapter 2**

The question of consciousness prevailed. Time was an unknown foe, evading comprehension as to its quantity. Only a constant throb of agony was present to count the moments as they passed.

* * *

><p>The weeks following the publication of Carlisle's article about Mary had an dispirited, silent quality about it. No drama had occurred. No outbreak of taunting or outrage, nor any overt sneers. Mary almost wished there had been, only to dispel her paranoia.<p>

Invitations to social events had become scarce, as had any correspondence from the few of Mary's acquaintances she kept in regular communication with. It was particularly unnerving considering the recent announcement of her and Matthew's engagement. As each day passed, the silence only became more and more deafening for Mary. She felt it pressing in on her from every side, not even feeling protected within the walls of Downton. At every turn, she felt as though they were all talking about her. Pitying looks and sudden silences from the servants, hidden whispers by the townsfolk.

What made it worse was that Mary knew the scandal was not just infiltrating her life, but the lives of her family as well. Wedding invitations has been sent with little reply. With all the connections and prestige of the family, the wedding had been planned to be a grand occasion, with the many guests formality owned them to invite. Instead, the wedding was shaping to be a small family affair. It was not the size of the wedding which disheartened Mary, but rather that society had turned from even her Mother and Father, not wanting to associate with a family in such disrepute. Never could she have imagined that one fateful decision eight years previous could torment her so this many years later.

The Earl of Grantham bore the scandal with the same elegance he had promised Carlisle he would uphold. Content with his private life at Downton, he simply determined to allow the time to pass when eventually the gossip would fade. Until that occurred, he remained satisfied to continue a quieter life and focus on the tasks of running the Abbey. As for his wife, Cora's greatest consolation was that Mary had Matthew; no one could deny that they shared a bond she knew could withhold the strains of Carlisle's publication.

* * *

><p>Mary had begun to take to wandering around the grounds of Downton by herself, desiring the solitude. There was one person who particularly noticed how recluse she had become.<p>

Matthew stood at the window and watched as his fiancee slowly meandered across the lawn towards the bordering woods. He had offered to walk with her but she had politely declined, stating she needed the time to think. Noting the concern in his eyes, she attempted a reassuring smile and squeezed his hand. He smiled back and watched as she retreated out the door, his smile fading as she moved further away from him.

He knew he could never admit to her why he was so frequently present at the house now. His business had slowed in Ripon, with fewer people seeking his council. His partners at the solicitors office suggested he take some time off. Matthew knew it would only further hurt Mary to know that his life had become tainted by his association with her. In reality however, Matthew was much like Cousin Robert. He knew that this season of gossip would pass and while he had chosen to work when he had first arrived in Downton, Matthew had since found great satisfaction in learning the work of running Downton in his Mentor's footsteps. It was not a burden for him to be closer to the house, and thus closer to her and able to maintain a close eye on how she was handling Carlisle's betrayal.

"The story will pass." Lord Grantham said, walking up next to his heir, eyes also upon his daughter. Matthew turned, hesitant.

"I know it will." He started, "However, I'm worried about the damage it is causing. She is taking it so much harder than I thought she would." The Earl walked over and poured a glass of whiskey for both himself and Matthew.

"Mary does not always know her own strength. Even since she was a child, she always came across as so tough, as if the world could turn against her and she would still battle against it; but the reality has always been that she has always been incredibly soft at heart. And it was you, Matthew, who helped bring that side of her out into the open. It was always there, but you made her feel safe enough to show the rest of us the softer side of her. Frankly, I am rather pleased at how supportive you've been. I know it could not have been easy to learn of Mary's indiscretion with Pamuk."

"It wasn't easy." Matthew admitted. "Mary knows that it is not something I will ever hold against her. We were such different people when all of that happened. Nonetheless, she doesn't deserve this. Not for a mistake she made so long ago, and has been punishing herself for ever since." Both men looked out the window again to the figure that continue to wander on the edge of the forest darkness.

* * *

><p>It was as if her mind wouldn't shut off. A part of her had truly believed that Carlisle would have kept her story a secret. She supposed the announcement of her and Matthew's impending wedding was enough to make her former fiancé snap.<p>

Before Carlisle had published, her greatest frustration had been the meddling of her mother, grandmother, and future mother in law. In such a short time, it was as if her world had been turned upside down, and happiness was just beyond her grasp. The guilt of her association with Kamal Pamuk had been her constant companion for the last eight years. It was not that guilt which now overshadowed her life in grief; rather it was the effect it was having on everyone else.

Furthermore, it was beginning to feel as though she and Matthew would never find peace and happiness. How could their marriage not be tainted by what she had done when every other aspect of her life was being infiltrated by it? She feared the resentment that could grow between them. At this point, Mary could not imagine a life without Matthew.

Mary did not notice that the sun was beginning to fade, as her mind continued to stir. She felt a hand upon her arm, as she quickly turned out of her reverie to face Matthew. His warm hand burned against the frigid coolness of her exposed arm. Wordlessly, he removed his jacket and placed it across her shoulders before leading her back towards the house.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Rough hands searching across icy skin. Incomprehensible shouting. Eyes that would not open, hoping to shut out the cruel world which betrayed.

* * *

><p>A plastered smile. She was truly the face of calm and detachment, he thought to himself. It was amazing to Matthew how she could so quickly transform from someone completely withdrawn and virtually despondent to an aloof, hardened persona. It was an image which after eight years of getting to know her, Matthew knew was a facade. He could see her trying to go on the offensive. Transform her inner hurt to a stubborn toughness, a cold exterior that would hide her brokenness.<p>

He remembered his haunted thoughts during the war. How those thoughts trapped himself within his own mind. She had asked him about the war, but he had been unable to vocalize the myriad of emotions which plagued him. The truth was, Mary was fighting her own war, a war within herself to reconcile what she had done and find it within to forgive herself. It was only natural that she was having trouble opening up to anyone about her struggles. Instead, it would seem she chose to mask her pain with a facade of indifference.

"Well," Mary started, mainly addressing her grandmother, "it seems that you all have been wasting so much of your time on planning this grand wedding. It seems the entire party will be no more in number than those sitting at this table." She gave a smile, as if she was simply discussing the news of the day, though it was hard to deny the hurt brewing in her deep brown eyes.

"None of that matters, darling," Cora started. The others at the table had become quiet, listening in on the conversation. "It will be a beautiful day regardless of who shows up." She gave a reassuring smile to both her daughter and Matthew, who was sitting next to her.

"Oh I don't know." Mary continued. Matthew remained silent, a uncomfortable feeling settling in the bottom of his stomach as she continued. "It makes me wonder whether any of this is worth it after all. Perhaps now that I've been exposed as such a harlot, the vicar will refuse to let me step foot in his church, let alone marry Matthew and I..."

"Mary, truly you don't believe that..." her father started, the lines on his forehead creasing as he stared at his daughter.

"Why don't we go on through." Cora stated, hoping to stop the continuation of the conversation.

Mary replied with a forced smile. "Well that is that. After all, you all know to pay no attention to the things I say." At this, swept up from her chair to follow the rest of the ladies into the drawing room, pointedly not looking at Matthew. The two men remaining in the room watched her retreating form, ignoring her attempted deflection and in full attention of the immense desolation underlying exactly what she was saying.

* * *

><p>Edith took another sip of her drink before making her way over to her sister. Mary was standing alone near the window, nursing her own beverage, appearing deep in thought, as she often did these days. Cora, Isabel, and Violet were busy discussing the tea for the Downton Ladies Society which was being planned for next week, having attempted to switch topics to something more pleasant than the uncomfortable conversation at the dinner table.<p>

"Mary," Edith started. "I was wondering if I could have a word." Mary turned towards her, her eyes dull.

"Of course." Mary replied flatly. Edith sighed, and looked at her hands, unable to look her sister in the eye.

"I feel as though I bear some responsibility for what has happened to you." Mary looked at her sister, surprised - a rare emotion fleeting across her face. Edith continued. "I wrote to the Turkish Ambassador. I've spent so many years of my life feeling as though I needed to compete with you, to somehow diminish you to elevate myself. With Patrick, it was jealousy. Regardless, since everything happened eight years ago, I would like to think you and I have grown to be on better terms." Mary felt her heart begin to soften. She couldn't help but look at her younger sister with amazement, touched at her confession.

"Edith..." She interrupted. Her sister put her hand on her arm.

"No please, let me finish. I regret taking such steps to make your life difficult. Even though it is difficult for me that you are getting married, I hope you and Matthew both know how happy I am for you. My struggle is based on my own fears of loneliness and not on your circumstances. The scandal will pass and one day all of this will only be a memory. I hope you and I can grow to become better friends, especially now with Sybil so far away."

Mary gave her a smile, although it did not completely reach her eyes. "I appreciate you telling me all this, and hope you know that I assume responsibility for the faults in our relationship as well. Let us move forward from here as friends." Edith gave her a beaming smile, clearly relieved at the reception she had received. Mary continued. "What about Sir Antony Strallen? I thought things were beginning to progress with him?"

Mary was relieved on two fronts as Edith started to confide in her about her hopes and fears concerning Sir Antony. One, she was so tired of talking about her scandal as it made her ache inside, and secondly, that for the first time, her sister was confiding in her. Never had she imagined that she and her middle sister would be speaking of marriage prospects in a sisterly manner. Her attention was only distracted when she overheard her grandmother.

"Rosamond still refuses to come." Violet stated quietly to Cora. Isabel interjected.

"All the rest of the family has rallied around Mary, and Matthew for that matter. Frankly, I find it deplorable that she will not come to her own nieces wedding, simply because of some scandal that happened almost a decade ago."

"Its more complicated than that Isabel," Cora started. "I believe she's only trying to think of her own prospects. She knows the association with our family can prove to make her life and chances at a second marriage more difficult."

Matthew and Robert had already entered the room, hearing only the tail end of the conversation. The three women quickly ended their conversation, quickly imploring the gentlemen as to whether their post dinner drinks had been pleasant.

Matthew walked over to the two sisters. Edith excused herself to allow Mary and Matthew some privacy.

"What were Edith and you talking about?" He inquired, figuring it was a safe topic of conversation at present, hoping to steer things away from the unpleasantness he had heard coming in. He was happily surprised when Mary returned a serene and genuine smile.

"I believe she and I have finally reconciled. Hopefully, it will be peace will last between the Crawley sisters." Matthew grinned.

"What's this about Rosamond not coming for the wedding?" The Earl of Grantham's voice boomed across the room in disbelief.

"Robert, calm yourself." His mother scolded. Matthew looked towards Mary, who's face became blank, betraying no emotion yet again. Sensing the stagnant discomfort in the room, Isabel chimed in.

"There is a new fellow in the village I met at the hospital who expressed some interest in Downton..."

Mary turned towards Matthew.

"I was wondering if you and I could speak privately before you leave tonight." He looked at her inquiringly.

"Of course." She smiled and nodded, before moving towards the couch to sit next to her mother, leaving Matthew standing by the window, the knot of uncertainty again growing deep within his soul.

* * *

><p>The rest of the evening had passed without incident. Matthew sent Isabel and Violet on their way in the car, stating he preferred to walk home and get some fresh air. Everyone else had decided to retire, leaving Matthew and Mary alone in the drawing room.<p>

Matthew was sitting on the couch, watching Mary as she stared into the fire. Clearly there was something she had been wanting to say to him. She walked over to the couch, and sat right next to him. She reached over and grabbed his hand, before leaning back, sighing, and closing her eyes. His heart both swelled and ached for her. She had needed him to be close by, to finally let her walls down, and have someone there who was an unfailing support.

"Oh Matthew." She said quietly. She sat back up straight and turned towards him, her eyes sad. Matthew reached over and placed his hand on her cheek, his thumb stroking gently against her soft skin.

"Mary. I know this has been hard, but it will pass. I love you. You need to forgive yourself for what happened. This will not tear us apart. I will be here for you whether you want to scream or cry..." She gave a half laugh, half sob, shaking her head.

"It's not me." She admitted. "Everyone else has been so impacted by what I've done. Don't deny it Matthew. I know that you've stopped working in Ripon and I can only imagine why. No one wants to associate themselves with me, and by extension then anyone associated with me. When we had gotten engaged, I honestly believed that Richard would not publish. Now that he has, how can I bring that dishonor upon you?" Matthew made to interrupt her. She raised her hand and placed it gently on his lips to stop him.

"I've been thinking. Maybe I should go to America after all. Wait for this scandal to pass. Allow you and my family to try and re-establish some dignity in my absence. Then, when I come back..." Matthew took both of her hands in his, looking at her with his piercing blue eyes, alight with passion.

"I refuse to listen to this." He stated firmly. Mary sighed again and looked down at their hands.

"But Matthew..." She started. He interrupted again.

"Do you love me?" He demanded. Her eyes jumped back up to his, her face invariably softening.

"Of course I love you Matthew. I can't imagine loving anyone more than I love you. The idea of leaving you makes my heart ache. But it is because I love you that I need to protect you. It's not fair that you should have to bear the consequences of my mistake; a mistake that hurts you as much as it does me. You deserve so much more than this." He took her hands which were firmly grasped in his, bringing them to his lips, where he kissed them softly.

"You are not this person. I know that you hurt inside, but I also know how strong you are and that you can brave this storm. We will brave this storm together. I don't care if no one comes to our wedding, only that in two months time, you will be there, walking down that aisle on the arm of your father. None of what has happened matters. I love you Mary Crawley. I will say it as many times as you need to hear it. I love you - I love you with your past, in this present, and for the future."

Words escaped her. He could see that she was still hurting, still in some disbelief that he could love her despite this. His eyes turned towards her lips, as he moved in, claiming them as his own. He tried to put all of his feelings of love and support into that kiss, and she responded by gently placing one hand at the back of his head, holding him to her. When they broke apart, foreheads resting against each other, he saw the tracks of a few escaped tears across her face.

In full knowledge that if anyone entered, they would be scolded for impropriety, Matthew put his arms around Mary, pulling her in close to him, allowing her whatever comfort he could bring, all the while praying that tomorrow would be better.


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N -I was a little sad to receive no reviews on my last chapter. Please let me know if I should continue. I hope you enjoy this chapter! The beginning portion of each chapter will soon start to make sense._

**Chapter 4**

Numbness. Absence. Only the sight of green above, and the tight grip of someone's arms. Small drips of blood marking the journey, unnoticed due to the darkness.

* * *

><p>Mary's disposition had improved over the next several weeks, her smiles becoming more frequent, her stubborn and passionate nature beginning to occasionally rear its head again. As Matthew and Robert had projected, time had proven a worthy ally, with the gossip surrounding her scandal beginning to fade. The wedding was only a month away, planned for the first week of May. Isabel and Cora had firmly decided not to have the wedding in April, nor at Downton. The last things they wanted was to have this wedding reflect the sorrow of Lavinia's passing.<p>

It started to become more real to Matthew that Mary was to become his wife. Since Carlisle had published the story of Pamuk, he had spent more time at Downton and with her than he ever had before. They had developed a comfortable relationship within the Abbey, and he had begun to see what their future was to look like. Lord Grantham was passing more responsibility onto Matthew's shoulders. Matthew was getting the impression that he was hoping he wouldn't return to his job in Ripon, but rather stay on at Downton and continue to help manage the property.

Mary was finding Downton Abbey to be rather quiet of late. Cora and Edith had decided to go over to Ireland and see Sybil. They hope to see how her pregnancy was progressing, and then accompany her back to Downton a few weeks before the wedding. Due to the demands of his work, Branson was only able to spare a few days to attend the nuptials. For Cora, it was an excuse to check on her youngest daughter, and care for her while she carried her first grandchild.

While the Dowager Countess made frequent visits, Isabel seemed to be quite occupied at the hospital, with several new hires. Isabel seemed to be making a charity case of several of the new men working at the hospital, eagerly pushing Matthew to befriend them. She stated there was one man particularly, who expressed a great deal of interest in Downton and getting to know the community.

The war had left many men with need of continued medical attention, and so the demands on Mrs. Crawley and Dr. Clarkson's time did not diminish. They had decided to re-open an area for convalescence and rehabilitation. Many men were still struggling to come to terms with the disabilities forced upon them by the brutal war.

That afternoon, Mary sat alone in the library, reading one of her favorite books. Matthew and her father were busy visiting the cottages, and she had given Anna permission to go visit Mr. Bates for the day. The house felt strangely empty, despite the bustle of servants whom always inhabited the Abbey. Carson entered the library, Mary looking up at him from her chair at the interruption. She could sense his hesitation.

"My lady." He stated.

"Yes Carson," she replied. "What is it?"

"My Lady," Carson repeated, moving closer towards her. "You have a visitor. I've been trying to make excuses, but he's been insistent. He demands to see you." Mary felt her stomach drop. Although she believed she already knew, she still felt the need to ask.

"Who is it?" The unwanted visitor came up behind Carson.

"Lady Mary. So lovely to see you again." Carlisle said, grinning at the frozen look on his former fiancee's face.

* * *

><p>Robert and Matthew made their way back into the house as the afternoon sun slowly started to descend towards the horizon. The weather was overcast today, with a spring chill still hanging in the air. It had been a brisk walk from the cottages, which were coming along nicely. Matthew had been eager to show Lord Grantham his progress.<p>

The two men immediately encountered Carson, looking uncharacteristically unnerved, pacing in front of the closed library door. The look of relief on his face on their arrival did not go unnoticed by Matthew or Robert.

"Carson, what is it?" Lord Grantham inquired.

"My Lord," Carson started, "It seems we've had a visitor this afternoon. I tried to send him away, at least until you came back, but I was unable to stop him. He's in the library with Lady Mary."

Matthew did not even hesitate. He immediately charged into the library, to see Mary, stone faced, clearly in the middle of an argument with Richard Carlisle.

"How dare you!" She exclaimed loudly. Her eyes quickly flitted to the two new entrants into the room, flinching in surprise. Matthew immediately went to her side, his blue eyes brightened with fury, aimed at the man across from him.

"Sir Richard." Lord Grantham stated in a booming, authoritative voice. "I demand that you leave this house at once. You are not welcome here." Richard Carlisle turned his gaze first from Mary, to Matthew, then finally towards the Earl, a sneer evident on his face.

"I've said my peace." He turned around again. "Lady Mary. Always a pleasure." With that, he walked confidently out of the room. Seconds passed as the shock of Richards arrival sunk in.

Matthew grabbed onto Mary's arm, only to get her attention as her eyes still lingered on the open door where Carlisle had just left. Moments later, she turned to look at her fiance.

"What did he say to you?" Matthew asked, his voice forceful and full of anger. Mary looked between him and her father.

"He came to explain why he published my story. I think he thought enough time had passed for him safely to show his face here." Lord Grantham, concern evident on his face, moved closer towards his daughter.

"And what, I dare ask, were his excuses?"

"Nothing worth repeating." Mary stated. "If you will both excuse me, I would like to take a walk to organize my thoughts. I'll be back for dinner."

Matthew and Robert watched helplessly as Mary quietly left the room.

"We had finally started to make progress. I thought she was finally starting to heal." Matthew said, his face downcast.

"You know how strong she is Matthew. From what we heard, she did not seem to be having any trouble standing up to Carlisle. Let her have her moments of solitude. It will be our small party for dinner, and then after we can put this Carlisle business to bed, once and for all." Matthew nodded, and turned back towards the window, intent to resume his new profession of watching the love of his life suffer from a distance.

* * *

><p>Mary found herself back on her usual path next to the woods. The sun was still barely peaking over the horizon, the chill of the night air not yet settled on the grounds. Still, Mary was glad that she had grabbed her shawl.<p>

How dare he? He was fortunate Matthew and her father had not been around when he had shown up. She feared what may have happened if Carlisle would have been insistent on still speaking to her privately. Carlisle had put so much strain on her life the last few months, it seemed so self-righteous of him to come and try to explain his actions to her, as if there was some way she would find them forgivable.

She could see the worry in Matthews eyes. He had seemed relieved lately that she had begun to act like her old self again. She knew he was concerned she's slip back into the depression that haunted her before.

'No.' She thought to herself. She was not going to let Carlisle destroy her happiness any longer.

She planned to make her way back towards the house, when she heard someone call her name from within the woods.

"Who's there?" She called out. Moving within the shade of the trees.

"Please Lady Mary." The voice called out. "I need your help." She moved deeper into the woods, the lights from the house becoming shaded by the trunks of trees. Mary looked for the source of the voice, when suddenly she felt a rough hand grab her, covering her mouth as the sharp coolness of a blade pressed against her throat.

"It's about time." The voice said. "Now - don't even think about screaming if you value your life and his."


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N -I can't thank you all enough for your wonderful reviews. I apologize for taking so long to update, but unfortunately my life is very unpredictably busy. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and look forward to your feedback!_

**Chapter 5**

Fading in and out of the blackness, uncontrolled. Quiet, steady, yet frantic whispers, voices marred with fear, others with anguish. Rough fingers, cold instruments, a unceasingly firm grip on an unmoving hand.

* * *

><p>Matthew was uncommonly quiet as Carson helped him dress for dinner. The old butler had taken over dressing the heir whenever Matthew Crawley decided to stay for dinner, which was becoming more frequent than ever. With Thomas now caring for his Lordship, it fell upon his shoulders to dress Mr. Crawley. He knew, in short time, Moseley would likely be moving to the estate to serve Matthew once he and Mary were married.<p>

Their time was usually smattered with conversation about this and that. Often, Matthew inquired about Mary's childhood, knowing that he would get the kind of perspective of her that he imagined from the old butler who loved her so. Instead, Matthew was silent, and evidently deep in thought.

"Is something the matter sir?" Carson inquired. Matthew sighed.

"I know and respect your loyalty to Lady Mary, Carson, but I was wondering if you heard anything this afternoon of her conversation with Carlisle." The butler looked at him quizzically.

"Has she not told you anything?" Matthew shook his head.

"Immediately after Carlisle left, she decided to go for a walk to clear her mind and asked to be alone. I don't know what else to do. I had planned to go and join her, but could not see where she had went." Matthew held out his arms as Carson attached the cufflinks to each sleeve.

"Unfortunately I heard nothing of their conversation. Lady Mary dismissed me as soon as Mr. Carlisle had arrived. I am not ashamed to admit I stood near the door hoping to hear if my services were required, but until you and his Lordship arrived, nothing warranted my entry. There is something untrustworthy about that man." The heir just nodded, as Carson helped him with his dinner jacket.

"Thank you Carson." Matthew said quietly, as he moved to leave his room.

"Mr Crawley." Carson started. Matthew turned and looked at the butlers wizened face. "I've known Lady Mary since before she could speak. All I've ever wished for her is happiness. You have given that to her. Stand by her, keep showing her that she is loved. She had always taken what everyone else has thought too much to heart, despite appearing as though all her thoughts and choices have been independently made. She can and will weather this, with you by her side. Give it time."

Matthew let Carson's words sink into him. It brought a small smile to his face.

"Carson," Matthew replied. "I don't know what Downton Abbey would do without you." He was happy to see the smile reflected back on the butlers face, before he turned to make his way downstairs for dinner.

* * *

><p>The dining room was quiet as Matthew and Lord Grantham slowly sipped at their wine, awaiting the first course to start. Isobel had started several small conversations, but none had lasted particularly long. Dinner had been a smaller affair of late, since Cora and Edith were still in Ireland. The dowager countess had decided to dine at her own house that evening, but Isobel often still attended dinner at the Abbey, particularly now that her son was so frequently away from Crawley House. Twenty minutes had passed as they awaited Mary's arrival.<p>

"Perhaps she has chosen to take a tray in her room tonight?" Isobel offered. "Did she say she was feeling ill?"

"No." Matthew replied, a frown marring his face. "I haven't seen her since she left for her walk this afternoon." He glanced towards Robert, who's eyes mirrored his concern. The Earl turned towards James, their newest footman.

"James, will you please go and find Anna." The footman, however, did not need to leave the room, as the maid immediately showed herself into the room.

"I apologize my Lord." She started, slightly out of breath from having hurried to the dining room. Matthew immediately began to sense that something was wrong. He was not sure exactly what yet, but a creeping terror began to settle over him.

"Anna - we were about to send James to find you. We are waiting for Lady Mary. Is she up in her room?" Anna looked between the guests, Matthew having already made his way to stand.

"No my Lord." She stated, her voice anxious with worry. "I have been waiting for her for well over an hour. She had asked me this morning to draw a bath before dressing for dinner. I asked several of the other maids, and they all say no one has seen her since this afternoon." Lord Grantham turned towards Matthew.

"So no one has seen her since she went for her walk after Carlisle left." Isobel looked between the men in surprise.

"Richard Carlisle? What was he doing here?" They ignored her question, Matthew starting to feel frantic.

"She could be hurt. We need to go look for her." Lord Grantham nodded, as he turned towards the footmen, throwing out orders to gather the other men servants to form a search party. All Matthew heard was the pounding of his heart in his ears, his hands gripping his chair. Something was wrong. Something had happened. He could feel it. He was broken out of his reverie as his mother touched his shoulder. He turned to look at her, his blue eyes darkened.

"I'll wait here. Go and find her." She said quietly. He nodded, unable to form any words, as he followed Lord Grantham out of the room, the food on their plates completely untouched.

* * *

><p>Matthew led the group of six men towards the edge of the forest where Mary usually strolled. Aside from Lord Grantham, Carson, Thomas and their two new footmen, James and Harry had joined them, armed with flashlights. Isis sat panting next to his masters feet. Anna had wanted to come along, but Isobel had suggested she ready and warm Lady Mary's room for when she returned. Matthew did not want to think what was going on through his mothers head, and what she may have been preparing for.<p>

They decided to split up, in order to cover more ground. Matthew's eyes eagerly searched for any sign that his beloved had been there, his ears restless to hear her voice, calling out to him, apologizing that she had only lost track of the time. Instead, he heard Thomas call out. He was the only one near enough to hear him.

Matthew ran towards the man, expecting to see Mary. Instead Thomas turned towards him, Mary's shawl in his hands.

"I found this on the ground, sir." Matthew took the shawl from him. It was cold, having clearly been abandoned long enough ago not to retain any of her warmth. He looked up at Thomas, knowing that the hope he felt that they were at least on the right track was slashed by the fear of what must have happened to her.

Both he and Thomas continued venturing further into the woods, their lights becoming more faint as they put more distance between them. Matthew could occasionally hear Mary's name being called out, though being called in searching, not in discovery.

Matthew found himself needing to stop for a moment. His hand rested against a tree. He could hear the nearby stream flowing unceasingly through the darkness of the woods. He could barely swallow over the lump that had formed in his throat. Scared and tired, Matthew knew he could not rest until she was found. His eyes closed for but a second when he heard a small whimper.

Immediately he went on the alert, heart pounding, calling out Mary's name frantically and his flashlight roamed the darkness. Then his heart stopped altogether.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N - I apologize for the long delay in posting the next chapter. I promise it was not with the intention of prolonging the anticipation with the cliffhanger that ended chapter 5. I have been away, and unable to post! At any rate, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

**Chapter 6**

Darkness. Emptiness. Tormented solitude... Relief just beyond grasp.

* * *

><p>He felt overwhelmingly cold. No amount of heat from the fire, from the drink in his hand, could warm him. Deep down, Matthew knew only one thing would be able to warm him again at this point. He knew he must be a sight to be seen. Mud and blood caked on his skin and clothes. They had suggested that Carson draw him a bath, but he couldn't force himself to go any further. It was bad enough they had made him leave her.<p>

Instead, Matthew paced in the drawing room. Then sat for awhile. Then rose to stand again with distraction. Midnight had long passed, the fatigue impenetrable to his mind, though assailing his body as the minutes ticked by. They had left him alone in the drawing room; whether this was to allow him time to process, or because there were other things that needed to be attended to, Matthew could care less.

His drink long abandoned and aching of tiredness, Matthew sat again, resting his head in his hands. Pictures of her flashed through his mind, etching themselves permanently in his memory and triggering his gag reflex. The blur of the last few hours replaying over and over, frustration boiled over as Matthew felt helpless to change the outcome.

A gentle hand rested on his shoulder, which made Matthew's head snap up to face Lord Grantham. Each line on the Earl's face seemed to be carved in deeper, eyes downcast with worry, face reflecting Matthew's paleness with fear.

"What's happened?" Matthew immediately asked. The Earl took a seat across from his heir, sighing.

"It's not good."

Matthew closed his eyes again, the entire scene replaying again in his head.

* * *

><p><em>Scared and tired, Matthew knew he could not rest until she was found. His eyes closed for but a second when he heard a small whimper.<em>

_Immediately he went on the alert, heart pounding, calling out Mary's name frantically and his flashlight roamed the darkness. Then his heart stopped altogether._

Sprawled against the forest floor lay Mary Crawley, lying on her stomach, facing towards him, her hair half out of its usual precise updo, in tendrils half caked with mud, and half covering her face. Legs were at awkward angles and he could see her hand slowly grasping in the mud and foliage, as if trying to hold on for dear life.

It felt as though time was standing still. Every step towards her seemed to take a lifetime. He screamed for help before he dropped to his knees next to his beloved. Matthews hands grasped at her shoulders turning her onto her back. He could see her chest heaving, though her eyes remained shut. The rest of her was shrouded in the darkness of the twilit forest. He could hear others calling, but suddenly the rest of the world disappeared, and his hands moved to Mary's face, brushing away the hair and mud.

"Mary! Mary!" He called desperately, his voice catching, his eyes frantically searching for the deep brown pools of her eyes to look back at him. She was taking in shallow breaths, her skin icy against his hands. Matthew heard Thomas run quickly behind him.

"Run and get the doctor." Matthew stated quietly, unable to tear his eyes away from Mary, his hands still brushing her matted hair away from her face. The valet stood, transfixed and speechless. "Damn it! Run and get the doctor!" Matthew screamed, tear tracks marring his agonized face. Thomas tore away without any further conversation.

Matthew took off his jacket it and draped it across Mary's cold body before he lifted her into his arms. His back ached with the effort as she lay limp. Her eyes briefly fluttered, and Matthew heard his name whisper across her lips. She then went as still as she had been before, with only faint breaths escaping her. Hope renewed and strength found, he made his journey towards Downton, praying that Thomas was running as fast as he could.

Others had met him as he made his way towards the Abbey, but despite his back protesting, he refused to allow anyone else to carry Mary. Lord Grantham sent the footmen inside to prepare for theirs and Dr. Clarkson's arrival. Carson went to phone Isobel and Dr. Clarkson in case Thomas was delayed. Even Isis remained somber, following solemnly beside his master.

* * *

><p>By the time Matthew got Mary into Downton Abbey and to her bedroom, Dr. Clarkson and Isabel burst into the room. Matthew could not bring himself to stop gripping her hand and staring at her pale face, as if letting go would allow her to disappear forever. Isobel and Clarkson instead worked around the man.<p>

Everything was passing in a blur for Matthew, until he finally looked away from her face and took in the rest of her injuries. Arms were bruised, a mixture of blood and mud seemed to be caked upon her from head to toe. Parts of her dress were ripped. Isobel was tending to a gash on her forehead as Dr. Clarkson listened to her heart and lungs.

"Mr. Crawley?" Dr. Clarkson repeated. Matthew looked up, finally hearing the man. "I need you to go downstairs for awhile. I need to examine Lady Mary more fully." Matthew didn't reply, but only gripped Mary's hand harder. He didn't understand. Why was he asking him to leave? How could they expect him to leave? Isobel placed her hand over Matthews grip, which got his attention.

"Matthew, I will be with her the whole time. We will let both you and Lord Grantham know what is going on as soon as we know. This is what she needs. We need to know what has happened to her." Matthews grip lessened, as his mother placed her hand gently against his cheek, looking at him with intense pity and sorrow for his pain.

Matthew took one last glance at Mary, who's face had remained unchanged since they had arrived. He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead before leaving the room, meeting Lord Grantham and Anna in the hallway, just outside of Mary's room.

"I don't know if I should try and alert Cora and the girls" Lord Grantham said, uncharacteristically uncertain, his eyes confused and displaying the shock he was clearing feeling inside. As Matthew remained silent, Anna spoke up quietly,

"Perhaps we should wait, Mi'Lord, until we know more." Lord Grantham just nodded, before turning to Matthew.

"I'll meet you in the drawing room. I had the servants light the fire in there. I should at least alert the Dowager Countess." The Earl turned and slowly made his way down the hallway, leaving Matthew and Anna alone. Matthew stared at the closed door, blocking Mary from his sight.

"Mr Crawley?" Anna said, hesitantly. Matthew turned towards the maid, noticing the tears reflecting in her own eyes. He rested his hand momentarily on her shoulder, not caring if it was beyond propriety, before making his way to the drawing room to wait.


End file.
